Treat Yo’self - Prioritizing Mental and Physical Well-Being

Let me start off by saying I am no expert when it comes to taking care of myself. Despite her best efforts, my wife has tried for nearly 2 decades to make sure that I am healthy and happy. And for the most part she has succeed. She has a gift for taking care of me and knowing what I need, even when I don’t know myself. But, I am the first to admit that I have horrible eating habits, I am a poor sleeper, and although I am pretty coordinated and athletic, I find myself more often in a chair than actually moving my (dad) bod these days. Besides, the only person who can really change me, is, well, me…

Recently I have undergone an introspection of sorts. I am not sure if its because I now have to check that box “40-49” on most intake forms, or if its the fact that working from home for the past few years has given me more time to think. Regardless, here I am willing to share some jewels and nuggets with you. I also joined a program that has helped me understand myself and my limitations (and lack thereof) and have seen great progress regarding my own mental toughness and mindset.

Forgive Yourself.

As a husband, a father, a provider, and any number of other titles that bring stress, obligation and responsibility, you have to cut yourself some slack. I heard somewhere that men with the aforementioned roles spend almost no time thinking about themselves. I can personally attest that my sleepless nights aren’t because I am playing Xbox with homies, or because I am binging the latest show. Don’t get me wrong, I can take down a series or two like the best of them. However, what keeps me up, laying restless in bed and wide eyed, is not the latest drama with Roy Kent and Keely Jones #tedlasso. It is the surmounting pressures of taking care of my family. Am I doing enough? How did I interact with my daughters today? Is my wife being taken care of? While these are great thoughts to have, which hopefully lead to making sure all those things are addressed and taken care of, there must be a balance and realistic expectations. I would definitely argue that the same goes for women, especially mothers.

There is no way you can do it all. At some point, you will fall short. At a lot of points you will. The point is, you can’t let your lack of perfection get you down. Acknowledge the shortcoming, take ownership, make a note (usually physically is more impactful) and move on. Move on with a plan to add more balance to the next day. Speak kinder to your kids. Be more aware and helpful to you wife. Work more collaboratively with your teammate. Do your best for the next day or when an opportunity arises.

The power of forgiving yourself is that you can let go. Cue Norwegian Disney theme song here. You can literally, mentally and physically move on. Once you do, you are no longer paralyzing yourself with self-deprecation, fear, or shame. This one act has helped me grow, recognize and break limitations that I have placed on myself. It has also created peace and freedom, in the space between my ears.

I find it funny that we are more likely to forgive others than ourselves. We are our own worst critics and enemies. Show yourself some love, give yourself a little slack, and show up with a clean slate. You don’t have to (nor should you in some cases) forget, rather use that forgiveness to refuel, reignite, and reset your mind to get after it.

Put Your Own Oxygen Mask on First

In the great words and wisdom of one Tom Haverford, “Treat Yo’self!” It seems so counterintuitive or selfish to do this. However, by making sure you are right, you are taken care of, your cup is filled, you can then and only then take care of others.

I recently spent a good amount of time looking for a new job. I spent an insane amount of time networking, researching, outreaching, interviewing, updating my portfolio and more, all to get a new gig. I easily spent more time doing this than any other full time job. Can you guess what happened? I burnt myself out. Big time. I hit a mental and physical wall. My cup, my oxygen, was empty. I had very little left in the tank, for myself, let alone anyone else.

So, I took a break. I got outside more, I built a playhouse for my daughters, and a platform of turf for it to sit on. I took a trip with my oldest daughter to visit family. I showed her the college I went to, the apartments I lived in, and where I met her mom. It was a very rewarding trip. It was fun to share those experiences with my daughter, bond with my mom and sisters, and reconnect with old friends and family.

Can you guess what happened when I came home? I was replenished. I was rested. I had filled my cup. It was then, and only then, that I was able to give more. Simply because I had more to give. I was not sputtering along on fumes. I was more patient again, I became happier. I could make better decisions about my life. Was I cured or did all my problems go away? Heck No. But I was in a better place to take them on.

These are just a few things that have helped me this year. It has definitely been a strange year, for everyone. There are more tips and tricks that I have implemented in my life to create mental toughness and at times even mental okay-ness. The point is, we all have our things to deal with. The key is knowing how to deal and knowing when to ask for help. I am grateful for the people in my life who I can turn to if I need a little extra oxygen for my tank. Find those people, and reach out. Ask me, and I will help. That is another tip for the next round.

More to come shortly. Stay tuned…